Too Much on Our Plait

Why do I think that my life is about to become semi-normal? God does not play that game! I say this in pleasant jest, of course. I'm with Mom on this one. It is very daunting. And to think, years ago cancer was the hush-hush "C" word. The one people feared. The one people did not want to hear uttered to them. It's funny how time changes so rapidly. Up next: my aunt and cousin. Yay, just keep piling 'em on! Let's see how many family members we can draw into the cancer team. Round 'em up! I'm getting sick of this. Really, I am. Familial papillary carcinoma cluster? Jeez, why don't you just nuke us with radiation? May as well! I mean, we get it. It's in our family. Do they really have to keep getting diagnosed? Do they?! Reliving this day in and day out, thinking about it constantly, wondering who the next victim is... I'm just mad. I'm very mad. Can I be mad? Because I am. Cancer sucks. Cancer is evil. It's like a snake. It sneaks ...

Yesterday, Anna Marie asked me why I hadn’t been blogging. So sister-sister, this one is for you. Truth is, although I am trying to stay as positive as possible, I’m feeling a bit defeated. Now, with my sister and niece facing surgery, this cancer thing has grown too huge, too fast. And it’s scary…to say the least. I’m also sad for my sister, the true matriarch of our family. She called me every day and sometimes many times a day throughout my ordeal with thyroid cancer. She remained so upbeat and positive that, at times, it was almost contagious. She reminded me often that I should be grateful that my cancer was found, that I was in the hands of amazing doctors and surgeons, that I was stronger than I knew, and that, in the end, I would be okay. Sister-sister, if you are reading this, ditto back to you. Yes, it is daunting. Cancer is an incredibly frightening word. An almost unbelievable word in our family. Heart disease, yes. Diabetes, yes. The word cancer just hadn’t been in o...

I went with my husband Merril for his screening colonoscopy today. He’s been putting this off for three years now. He says there are just some things that he would rather not do, and I think that having a colonoscopy was pretty high on his list. I don’t see why. It’s the best sleep you’ll ever have, and when you wake up there are no remnants of anything having taken place. No marks, no incisions, no scars, no fuss, no muss. And if the preparation for it doesn’t kill you, the colonoscopy certainly won’t. You are probably wondering why I’m even bringing this up. Sure doesn’t have anything to do with thyroid cancer, does it? Well, while spending two hours in the waiting room, I started thinking about the very simple and painless (or practically painless) things that we can do to keep the cancer thing at bay, or at least at a minimum when there is a better chance that it can be fixed or cured completely. I guess the thinking is that it’s better not to know. No one likes bad news…so true....

Warning: I'm about to go on a very brief, off-topic rant of revelation. How in the world did I not think to explore Pandora before?! It is absolutely amazing! I typed in "Michael Buble" and I got all this amazing, blissful music that is totally mellowing me out right now. I am so stoked; I think this will be my new addiction for music. :-) Click the link above for instant spectacular-ness. (I am sure my brother will laugh at me and pull the "I told you so!" card as soon as he reads this.) Okay, I'm done with that. ;-) There really is not much to report at this point. All of the fun stuff has already come to pass, and by fun stuff I mean the most dramatic and tormenting stuff. So right now, there is not much to say about everything that has not already been said. I am accepting the whole situation with Janina, and beginning to understand that thyroid cancer may just be a genetic thing with our family. After a little bit of research, we found out that C...

My head is still throbbing from yesterday. I can spare you the details since Dori has already shared most of it in her recent posts. It’s like I said before, “never assume, and expect the unexpected”. I certainly didn’t expect that Janina’s results would prove to be worse (for lack of a better word) than mine; as was the case with Dori, too. At 53, I’m definitely a lot closer to having reached the age of falling apart, and I certainly didn’t expect to have the least difficult road with regard to this thyroid thing. But what’s worse than not expecting it, is not wanting it. These are my babies, my girls, my daughters. I’ve lived more life than they have. I’ve dealt with adversity before. I can take this and a lot more too! For Pete’s sake, let the punches be thrown my way, not theirs. Isn’t that what being a mother is all about? Wishing for yourself that which you don’t want to see happen to your children. I guess for me, that is not to be. My sister’s biopsy results came...

I really should be writing a paper due tomorrow for my minimester class right now, but I really cannot seem to get my crazy self to start on it. So, instead, I want to clear something up. I know most of our beloved readers did not take what I wrote in my previous blog entry out of context. But, I do want to clarify it for those who might have. In my last entry, I stated that Michael and Mom got the better end of the stick. One surgery, one treatment (hopefully on Mom's part), then done. Whereas me and my sister got the short end, since our cancer spread and it might (hopefully not) be a tougher battle for Janina than Mom and Michael. I basically said a bunch of crap. Cancer is cancer. No one has an easier battle than the other. It's all in perception. If Person A has to go through chemo while Person B does not, how can anyone say that Person B had an easier battle? I have had a difficult time with this lately. Not only have I been comparing myself to other cancer surviv...

Janina went to go see her endocrinologist today. The results are in: Janina had some spread to the compartment lymph nodes beneath her thyroid. Translation: This crap spread to other stuff, and Dori is pissed. This pretty much means that Janina has to undergo more radioactive iodine (RAI) than we suspected from before. One of the nodules they thought was in her thyroid was actually a lymph node. The node was so close to her thyroid that they thought it was inside of it. Woopsie. The plan for her is that she now has to stop taking her Synthroid and begin going hypothyroid. Her TSH will be checked each week, and as soon as she gets to 30 or a little below, she'll be brought in to get the RAI treatment. She'll have to go through the low-iodine diet within the next two weeks. *half-assed cheer* Yaaay... This is my sister. Janina. The love of my life minus my parents. I can't believe this. I was really hoping and praying that there would be no spread; that this would be an...

One of the greatest lessons that I’ve learned from this whole thyroid cancer experience has been to assume nothing and expect the unexpected.  Maybe that’s two lessons, but no matter. When Dori was diagnosed with thyroid cancer back in 2006, I never expected that I would get it too. I might have even had it at that time. But, I didn’t think about getting scanned. No one mentioned it, and I didn’t worry about it. I just thought that Dori was an unfortunate statistic, having one of the 5% of thyroid nodules that turn out to be cancerous. With those odds, why worry? When I started having discomfort on swallowing, I didn’t assume it was thyroid cancer. I had surgery back in 2002 for a thyroglossal duct cyst and thought that perhaps it had grown back. I didn’t rush to the doctor’s office. And when I did see my doctor, I mentioned my symptoms only casually. Janina was totally asymptomatic; but because her sister and mother both had thyroid cancer, her odds shot up considerably. An...

We spent a majority of tonight at my sister's house tonight. It felt good to spend so much time with her, her hubby and my nephews. The lot of us watched Death Becomes Her , which I used to be afraid of as a child. I called it the "Turning Head Movie." I still kind of wince at it, but it is amusing. I finally saw the ENTIRE movie tonight! Hilarious. It was nice while the boys were out after dinner to just have some girl talk with Mom and Janina. I loved it; it felt so good to just sit there and chit chat about things. Janina is doing better. I think the shock is still there, but she was a lot more "with it" tonight. Honestly, I don't blame her as far as that's concerned. This crap sucks; plain and simple. She had to watch all three of us go through it, and now it's her turn. Taking care of us took so much out of her, and now she has to finally take care of herself. What a toll that has to take...I just hope I succeed in doing everything I can to su...

I'm with Mom on this one. I can't wait to see that geneticist. I want to know where the heck this is coming from. These are some mysterious ways, indeed. We want answers. The lot of us, including our friends. But, you know, if we do get a "why," I think we will be so unbelievably lucky. Not a lot of people get definite answers, especially if it's a "fluke" or something that isn't "the norm" in the family. Cancer happens. So do a lot of other diseases and disabilities. Sometimes it's a moot point to ask, "Why?" Not often are we given the privilege to find out. My family keep saying to peope that they think I saved their lives. While I appreciate the sentiment and the true meaning behind that opinion, I cannot possibly agree. I love my family. It settles my stomach knowing that they all are aware of their health and want to nip this junk in the bud, but I did nothing to "save" them. They are taking matters into the...

Took dinner to Janina’s house this evening. It was good to see her back in the comfort of her own home. The house was overflowing with flowers and gifts from family and friends. Her aunts and cousins brought homemade meals for the family – ham, macaroni and cheese, baked ziti, garlic bread, salad, chocolate pudding and whipped cream…a virtual feast. Homemade meals are such a wonderful gift, and will give Janina one less thing to have to think about. I watched her and wondered if I looked like that my second day from surgery. She moved very deliberately and carefully. Bandages were off and she admitted to having a difficult time looking at her incisional scar. Although she looked relieved that the surgery was behind her, she seemed somewhat sad, which I think is a combination of having to face reality of it all and the uncertainty of what’s yet to come. Everything happened so quickly for Janina. Within a week of her own diagnosis, she was in the operating room. That’s a lot for anyone...

Well, another (and hopefully the LAST) surgery done. Janina was fantastic, as always. She was positive and firm about what she wanted and didn't want for her surgery, and she was not backing down. When she told the RN she didn't want any pain medication, the nurse looked at her like, "Are you nuts?" I couldn't help but smirk a little, because I knew that the lot of us would have given them hell if they went against Janina's wishes. It was easier this time around with Janina, but it was harder at the same time. If anything happens to my sister, I always get really mad and upset, because she's just so good! She's a beautiful, strong, lovely woman who doesn't take any crap. She's worked her whole life for everything she has, and she never takes any of it for granted. Janina loves her family and friends with all her heart, and, God, is her heart big. I hated seeing her in that hospital gown, tired with a headache from not eating since 8:30pm the ...

I teased Janina about being lucky that she was the third one to have thyroid surgery. Number three is supposed to be the charm, isn’t it? Although there’s nothing lucky or charming about having thyroid cancer, Janina knew, after going through Dori’s procedure and my procedure, what she wanted and what she didn’t want. She made it perfectly clear to her surgeon and anesthesiologist that she did not want pain medication, and although a mild one was given during the procedure, Janina had none during postop – only Tylenol. That was a great decision on her part. As a result, she had a much less eventful postop period with no nausea and no vomiting – Alleluia! I remember that well, and it isn’t pretty. A bit of tachycardia plagued her (like mother, like daughter), but I.V. fluids helped control the situation, and her pulse gradually came down. What a trooper! Janina remained her kind and grateful self during her hospital stay, complimenting the nurses and techs for their hard work, and i...

We had dinner at Janina's this evening. Salad, spaghetti, and meatballs. Janina had some soup, as she didn't want to tempt fate, just in case she has some postoperative stomach upset. By this time tomorrow, she will be recovering in her hospital bed and the surgery will be over. It has been such a blessing that she was able to be scheduled for the procedure so quickly. There's been little time to think about it because we have all been so busy scrambling around trying to keep other things in order. I'll need to keep this short as I didn't get much sleep last night. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated as Janina undergoes her surgery tomorrow.

I can hardly believe that time is going by so quickly. It's amazing to me how we are already almost halfway through January. Mom's surgery still seems like it was yesterday. Now that Mom has had her surgery and is doing great, I think I'm a lot better prepared for Janina's tomorrow. I know what to expect emotions-wise. Janina is in such good hands; this surgeon is phenomenal. He has operated on me, Michael, and Mom already, and he has done a fabulous job on all three of us. I have no doubts that he will do the same for my beloved sister. Take a look at our Flickr photos in the right column. I added some of Janina with Mom and I, and some extras of me and Mom. The one at the top of our page is a bonus for everyone. Wasn't I a beautiful baby? ;-) I'll probably blog later tonight or tomorrow. In the meantime; adios! I have to write these papers due tomorrow for my class! I still haven't even started... Oops!

In only two days, we will be going to the hospital for Janina’s surgery. I’ve already started the visualization process in my head -- seeing her in the Recovery Room, picturing myself at her bedside, and imagining what her first 24 hours will be like. Having seen both me and Dori so ill with nausea and vomiting postoperatively, Janina is prepared to ask the anesthesiologist not to give her any pain medication at the time of surgery. Every hospital has its own protocol, and while many folks handle pain meds well (and rather like them), I’m getting the feeling that me and my girls have a low tolerance for them. Odd as it sounds, thyroid surgery is rather painless. I don’t recall having any pain at all in the neck area, and I still don’t. Perhaps it’s because the incision cuts through the nerve endings. But whatever the reason, it just doesn’t hurt, so I’m not going to argue. On the zero to 10 pain level scale, I was never more than a 2.5, and that was when I first awoke from surg...

Man, Mom, you're a blogging whirlwind! I love it! :-) Yes, I'm definitely going to jump on the Grateful Train here and say "Thank you" to everyone who has been reading our blog and walking along this journey with us. You all have been so awesome to us and we couldn't thank you enough for your support and love. I was out all day today, from 9:30am until about 6:30pm tonight. I was at an FLL ( FIRST Lego League) qualifier competition at a local high school. I volunteered with the team I currently mentor. It felt so good to see my students again and spend the day with them. They amaze me every single day. It's wonderful watching them grow up and learn. The team ran the competition today, and they did such a wonderful job. I am so proud of them! The next couple of days will consist of homework, a little bit of relaxation (hopefully), and maybe some old movies. T-3 days until Janina's surgery. Keep praying/thinking of us, everyone.

I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who reads our blog.  Because you have shown such concern and interest in what we have to say, it inspires us to share our journey with you.   When I write, I feel like I am talking to a good friend, and that friend is really listening.  So, in the middle of the night or wee hours of the morning, and without having to call and bother anyone in particular, I can talk about what's on my mind.  It's done wonders for me, and I thank you for that.   I'm just an average mom with two average daughters, all stricken with thyroid cancer.  Every day is tough.  Some days are better than others.  But I don't think a single day goes by that we don't find something to smile or laugh about.  Perhaps you are reading this because you are going through a similar struggle.  Just like you, I am a real person behind the blog, so feel free to e-mail me if you'd like to...

I'm normal now, folks, I promise! ;) I guess I just needed a little while to get myself back on track. The last few days have pretty much felt normal. As Mom said in her latest post, it's felt pretty standard. How weird is that, especially after everything so far? It felt so nice to get some Starbucks with Mom after my class on Thursday and have lunch with her at one of our favorite places. For a few minutes, I forgot about what has been going on. The truth is, I just can't wait to find out what the real cause is of all this. Is it genetics? Cowden's Syndrome? Environmental? Who knows at this point. It's too broad to tell. To be honest, I want it to be something concrete, like genetics or Cowden's. I want to know for sure what my children's chances are, along with everyone else in my family. I want to be positive as far as what the risks could be if I decide to have children. I want to know whether or not my younger cousins or my darling nephew could ge...

Yesterday almost felt like a regular day. I drove for the first time since my surgery. I picked up Dori from her minimester class, grabbed some coffee, and went to Panera for lunch. It felt to good to be among the living. I’m feeling better and better as the days go on, and looking forward to returning to my job on Monday. Did I mention that I have the greatest job in the world?  I am the practice manager for an internist. He is a remarkable physician and an extraordinary person. He brought me homemade soup when I was in the hospital. Did you ever know a doctor to do that? Well mine does, and he thinks nothing of it. It’s just part of who he is. He does it for many of his patients; and did I mention that he makes the soup himself? It is a privilege to work alongside of him. I put a call in to the genetics doctor, since after Janina heals that will be our next step. In the meantime, I’ve been going crazy on the internet Googling thyroid cancer and possible genetic links. It...

My son, Kyle, opened a bottle of root beer earlier this evening. Inside the cap were the words "Write a poem".  He handed it to me and said, "Write a poem Mom, it'll be good for you."  I haven't written a poem since grade school.  And even though it surrounds unhappy circumstances, I had fun writing it.  Kyle was right. I still need to work on a title.  I'm open to suggestions.   There were three gals named Laye and Plait Two daughters and a mother were they. They exercised and watched what they ate And were healthy in every way. The youngest lived life without watching the clock And looked forward to her high school ball. A lump in her throat made her visit the doc And that was the start of it all. Diagnosis of thyroid cancer came as a shock As no relative had it before. She went through treatment strong like a rock Not knowing there would be more. Four years later on screening ultrasound Mother Plait to her surprise and dismay. ...

Okay, I need to clear the air, here. My last post was pretty scrambled, and I do apologize to our beloved family, friends, coworkers, and readers. I have been going through a lot of mixed emotions the last few days. Janina's diagnosis and upcoming surgery (t-5 days) are certainly affecting me, but I have been thinking a lot about other situations in my life that have nothing to do with thyroid cancer. I started my 3-week gen.ed. minimester course on Tuesday. It was really difficult to walk into that classroom and spend four and a half hours listening to lecture and reading editorials based on argument. It still is hard, especially when all I can think about is Janina. Last night, I was struggling to write a paper due earlier today in class. I just had such difficulty starting it. As you all either know or have realized, I do not have trouble finding something to say. I just was so overcome with a whole slew of emotions that I could hardly concentrate on the task at hand. When I...

Lately, I feel like I'm living a whole different life. It almost feels as though I'm not really me, like I'm someone else going through all of this...stuff. I'm not Dori anymore. I don't know who I am, but it surely isn't me. I know I'm not making sense, but I just can't think alone anymore. No, I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I just can't be alone or else I think the most ridiculous, crazy things. My mind wanders and I get so afraid. When things like this happen to me I don't talk to anyone. I talk if I have to, but I'm not confiding in people. Even my family, which is startling because I feel like I need to talk to them, but I can't. I have good reasons why. "She'll be fine." "It's all going to be OK." "Stop freaking out." "Things will work out." You know what I hear when anyone tells me these things? "Blah blah blah blah." It sounds like all of the adults in Char...

It was actually humor that got us through Janina’s appointment with the surgeon this morning. You know that part in the movie where Forrest Gump is sitting at the bus stop having a conversation with another person waiting for the bus, and he’s telling his story. Anyway, he talks about going to the White House,“ Again ”, and meeting with the President, “ Again ”. You just have to chuckle when you think about that part of the movie, because you can almost hear his voice and visualize the expression on his face. Well, that’s how it felt for our family today. So we just went with it and had a few laughs – or at least as much fun as one can possibly have while scheduling a major surgery. Janina, of course, was her usual incredibly strong and cheerful self, despite not getting any sleep last night (which she confided in me). When the surgeon came into the room, she greeted him with “Hey handsome!”. I know that he must have a soft spot in his heart for her. After all, he watched her take ca...

I can’t sleep. It’s 1:57 a.m. and I’m lying in bed wide awake, wondering if Janina is doing the same. Sometimes, I just hate the night. I visited Janina’s Facebook page and was thrilled to see so many folks sending her messages of support. People just love Janina. You can’t help it. She’s such a kind and gentle soul. Small children follow her around like the Pied Piper. She wears so many hats all the time, reaching out to family, friends, and others in any way she can. She is not just a big sister, but a second-mother to my younger children. Yet she is “cool” enough to be their best friend as well. It takes someone pretty special to pull that off. I have always found it a comforting thought to know that if anything were to happen to me while my younger children were still young, Janina would step in and their lives would hardly miss a beat. Truly…she’s that close to them and would give them as much comfort and love as I ever could. In about 7 hours we’ll be meeting with the surge...

I’ve been having problems with tachycardia since my operation. Evidently, with manipulation of the thyroid in removing it at surgery, much excess hormone is secreted into the body. It’s a lousy feeling – like you’re in overdrive even when you are trying to relax. After talking about this with my endocrinologist yesterday, he doubled my beta blocker, and if that does not give me effective relief, may decrease my Synthroid dose. As well, my menopausal hot flashes have hit an all-time high. I have become one big walking/talking hormone. The recent turn of events with Janina doesn’t help any either. I know she is anxious about her visit with the surgeon tomorrow, and I feel her pain. Everyone feels her pain. Calls and messages have been pouring in. I’m sure most people are thinking what misfortune and horrible luck our family seems to have – that we all have cancer at the same time. Truth is, we have it “at the same time” because we are looking for it. But it was there, and who knows...

Yesterday was a great day. I had a wonderful time out with a good friend, and then afterward I went out to watch the Ravens beat the Raiders and earn their rightful spot in the NFL Playoffs. It was great to forget my troubles outside of that place, and just focus on something fun with close friends. However, I barely slept last night. I had maybe 4 hours of sleep, give or take. I was feeling terrible. It must have been some indication of what was to happen today. I woke up at 11:15am to my alarm clock. I was excited for my chat with Matthew Zachary from I'm Too Young For This! at noon, and was ready to spend some time with a friend visiting from New Jersey in the evening. However, when I checked my phone as soon as I awoke, I came across a text from my dad. He said that Janina's results were positive for papillary thyroid cancer, and that she was in the office talking to our surgeon about her surgery. It was such a shock to me that I could hardly move for a minute or two. ...

By Sunday evening, day five post-op, I think my bowels and I have made peace with each other…finally. I am starving for a regular meal. The kind of starving where everything starts to sound good, even things you never liked before. But I bit the bullet, threw caution to the wind, and all that brave stuff. I asked Merril to pick up a sour beef and dumplings dinner from Silver Spring Mining Company – a definite comfort food for me as it is as close to what my grandmother used to make as any recipe I have eaten. I managed one dumpling, a chunk of beef and some gravy—Yummy! Later, I had a day-old low fat brownie. I can finally eat and life is good again. But that was yesterday. Today, Janina (my oldest daughter) called at 8:30 a.m. to let me know that the endocrinologist wants to see her to discuss her thyroid biopsy results, so we went to his office. We weren’t totally shocked, but of course sadly disappointed, to find out that she too has thyroid cancer. WAIT A MINUTE!…I thought I sa...

I'm pretty much an insomniac at the moment. It's 5:17am right now and I'm awake. I fell asleep around 12:30am and woke up at 2:30, but fell asleep again around maybe 3:30am and now I am awake. I will probably go back to sleep as soon as I finish writing this, but I feel slightly alert. I'm also telling you all this just in case this entry seems a little off. This is probably one of those days where I really do not know what I want to say. A lot of things are happening around me at once; not just this cancer shindig, but many other personal things, too. I have had so many ups and downs with friends and others over the course of the last month or so that my head is still spinning. Change happens every time we look another direction. Each time I feel like this, I like listening to Avril Lavigne's song " Mobile ." Go take a listen. It has been so true about everything that has been happening in my life. Many people I know can relate to all of this, and can r...

I cried when I read Dori’s entry today. It brought back memories of her pain and struggle as a teenager, so full of promise and life, right at the time of high school graduation, being diagnosed with thyroid cancer. So while her friends were partying and packing to leave home and excitedly venture off to their respective colleges, she was preparing for major surgery, subsequent treatments, and surgery again. Sid, Lynn, Lindsey and Chris sent me a wonderful get well card (thank you guys!). In it Lynn wrote, “Do everything Dori says…she’s a pro”. And indeed she is. I prayed that I would be as accepting of the illness and as a good a patient as Dori was, and still is. She never missed a beat, always thinking ahead to her future plans and treating the cancer as if it was just an inconvenience, a bump in the road that she was determined to get past. Okay, sure she was crabby sometimes – maybe even a lot. Physically, it’s easy to understand this as the thyroid controls so many o...

No matter what you have gone through, the past seems to always creep back up again. While my mom has been going through all of this lovely thyroid cancer business, I have thought a lot about what my life was like when I was diagnosed. Who I was dating, what I was doing, things I liked and disliked, and then some. Everything just seemed to flood me all at once over the course of the last three weeks. I've been looking through old photos, cards, letters, and journal entries lately, and a lot of things have really registered with me. Not only have I really grown up, but I have realized just how much I should have appreciated more. While I was going through my surgeries and treatments, I had a long-term boyfriend. I was diagnosed a year and a half after we started our relationship, so we were very close and very much in love. A lot of things hit me all at once as soon as my diagnosis started. I became even more stubborn, needy, and temperamental. He gave and gave and gave, and I neve...

Surgery is the best diet…NOT! I’m down about 9 lb. which I’m sure is mostly fluid. Not being able to eat on top of getting rid of your body stores is rather draining. Yesterday was my best day. I actually got in three “meals” – a toasted bagel for breakfast, cream of wheat for lunch, and a hot soft pretzel for dinner. As you can see, I’m on a high carbohydrate diet these days. I even had a Coke Slurpee, which made me long for summer…a nice cold snowball would be just the ticket. And since the cream of wheat worked so well yesterday, I had it again this morning for breakfast—along with another Coke Slurpee. I know, not a great combination. I’m dreaming of pancakes and omelets, burgers and fries (something I usually don’t even eat), a luscious Thanksgiving feast, and oddly, sour beef and dumplings (one of my personal favorites). There’s steamed shrimp, stuffed flank steak, and cheesecake still waiting for me in the fridge--leftovers from New Year’s Eve. I may have to get Merril to eat...

It's nice to stop and smell the roses. I just hate when something bad has to happen in order to force you to do so. When I got diagnosed, I just lived my life as I saw fit. It had to happen the way I wanted it, mainly because if I stopped, then my thoughts would take over and drive me insane. Even now, being post-treatment and living life on a six-months-ahead basis, I still have to keep myself busy at times or else I will daydream myself into an anxious frenzy. There are days, though, when I feel like I need time to just blank out. What really irks me, though, is that a lot of the time something really bad has to happen to punch you in the gut and make you stop doing what you're doing to think about what's really important. I'm pretty sure that God is trying to tell me to spend more time with family, and really, truly value them. I love my family dearly, and I would do anything for each and every person within my family, but I don't think I appreciate them enou...

Sometimes we need to be flat on our backs before we stop to smell the roses.  Granted, the roses are a little harder to smell when we are on our backs, but it can be done.  It’s a rather freeing feeling to walk (rather shuffle) through the house and appreciate it just the way it is – as my home. Not to worry about the lint on the rugs (that I would have picked up before), the dishes in the sink, the piles of mail (mostly junk), the hair on the bathroom floor (and I’m only noticing that because I’m in there so much – yuck!). Who cares?! I love it that I’m actually watching and finishing a movie. Only did that on rare occasion because I was too busy transcribing, cleaning, working on a craft, or something else that I could have put off, but didn’t. I’m not even minding if what the family watches is football (of which I am not a fan) because as long as we’re together in the same room, it’s a good thing. I love it that my family has camped out with me on our rat...