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I really should be writing a paper due tomorrow for my minimester class right now, but I really cannot seem to get my crazy self to start on it. So, instead, I want to clear something up.
I know most of our beloved readers did not take what I wrote in my previous blog entry out of context. But, I do want to clarify it for those who might have.
In my last entry, I stated that Michael and Mom got the better end of the stick. One surgery, one treatment (hopefully on Mom's part), then done. Whereas me and my sister got the short end, since our cancer spread and it might (hopefully not) be a tougher battle for Janina than Mom and Michael. I basically said a bunch of crap.
Cancer is cancer. No one has an easier battle than the other. It's all in perception. If Person A has to go through chemo while Person B does not, how can anyone say that Person B had an easier battle?
I have had a difficult time with this lately. Not only have I been comparing myself to other cancer survivors, but I have been comparing the lot of us within my family as well. Half the time I say to myself, "Why am I even part of I'm Too Young For This? I never had to go through chemo; I never had to lose my hair. I barely ever got sick from treatment. These people are survivors, not me." But, whoever I say that to within i[2]y always tell me, "You had cancer. You are a survivor. No one has a tougher battle than another person." They are so right. I can't help but make my comparisons, though. I always end up losing in my mind.
I apologize to you all, especially to my family. More specifically, to Mom, Janina, and Michael. How dare I say that I had it harder than you, Mom and Michael. And how dare I make a judgment about Janina's future when it has not even happened yet, if it even will. All of us had it hard; cancer affects everyone in different ways. We all have to suffer from the fact that we have a disease.
I'm sure that whomever is reading this thinks that I am punishing myself too harshly about the blog entry. I really am not; I just want people to understand that I did make a big error in judgment. I do not want to come off as someone who assumes that just because someone had less surgeries or less treatment, it does not mean that they had it easier.
On a better note, I am very excited to start student teaching next week. I cannot wait to see my students again! It will be wonderful. I just hope that I can get everything done and also help my Mom and sister get through their treatments.
Bring it on! I take after my family; I'm up for a good challenge.
When we are in the middle of a situation, it is our own battle that is in our minds. That is the only point of reference you have, and the rest is left to your imagination and suppositions.
Your reaction is totally, 100% understandable.
Dori -
You are wise beyond your years and so articulate. So blog on!
Susan & Jordan
Don't beat yourself up about it Dori!! We all understood what you meant. The fact you blogged the way you did above, shows how insightful and truly understanding you are of all different cancer patients.
Smile