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Okay, I need to clear the air, here.
My last post was pretty scrambled, and I do apologize to our beloved family, friends, coworkers, and readers. I have been going through a lot of mixed emotions the last few days. Janina's diagnosis and upcoming surgery (t-5 days) are certainly affecting me, but I have been thinking a lot about other situations in my life that have nothing to do with thyroid cancer.
I started my 3-week gen.ed. minimester course on Tuesday. It was really difficult to walk into that classroom and spend four and a half hours listening to lecture and reading editorials based on argument. It still is hard, especially when all I can think about is Janina. Last night, I was struggling to write a paper due earlier today in class. I just had such difficulty starting it. As you all either know or have realized, I do not have trouble finding something to say. I just was so overcome with a whole slew of emotions that I could hardly concentrate on the task at hand. When I went downstairs to tell Mom and Dad that I was not going to go to class today, they right away said, "Get down here and we'll help you start that paper." So, I did, and I got it done. I must say, thanks to my dad, mom, and brother, I think I wrote a pretty kick-butt counterargument.
The last few days, I have had a hard time doing anything. Mom and I had lunch today at Panera, and she finally laid down the law with me after yesterday's post. She said, "Dori, you're living your life. Janina and I are so proud of you. Don't let this bother you more than it should. You're the one holding all of us together. You're our rock." Now, I'm not saying that I am everything she says I am. They may consider me to be their crutch when they need me, but I needed to break down yesterday. I needed to vent everything I had bottling up inside me. The last thing that needs to happen is for me to explode on anyone close to me like I did years ago. I'm doing my very best to never let that happen again.
So, long story short, I am not crazy, suicidal, etc. A lot of things were rushing through my head, and it was hard to tame them all at once. I apologize for worrying anyone or making myself or my family look bad.
It was great seeing you today and I'm glad we had the opportunity to chat! You're a champion of courage, never forget that! ;)
-Chrissy
I just got all caught up on the blog. Your family is amazingly strong and you are all going to get through this!! You are in my prayers daily :)