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No matter what you have gone through, the past seems to always creep back up again. While my mom has been going through all of this lovely thyroid cancer business, I have thought a lot about what my life was like when I was diagnosed. Who I was dating, what I was doing, things I liked and disliked, and then some. Everything just seemed to flood me all at once over the course of the last three weeks. I've been looking through old photos, cards, letters, and journal entries lately, and a lot of things have really registered with me. Not only have I really grown up, but I have realized just how much I should have appreciated more.
While I was going through my surgeries and treatments, I had a long-term boyfriend. I was diagnosed a year and a half after we started our relationship, so we were very close and very much in love. A lot of things hit me all at once as soon as my diagnosis started. I became even more stubborn, needy, and temperamental. He gave and gave and gave, and I never truly appreciated him and everything he did for me. I realized, after going through all of these things, just what I lost. Sure, I'm moving on and living my life as I should, but sometimes I wonder if things would have been different if I knew then what I know now. Past is past, and it will remain that way. I have to live from now on with no regrets. And that is exactly what I am doing now.
Through these life lessons, we come to terms with the fact that we are only human. I was young and juvenile. I dealt with my cancer in any way possible, and that meant hurting a lot of people in more ways than one. I lashed out, vented, and bottled things until they exploded at the worst times. My life had become such a whirlwind that I didn't take the time to really appreciate those who stuck by me and loved me throughout my difficulties.
As a New Year's resolution, I do not plan on committing to yet another diet plan. I do not plan on trying to work out more (even though I will do my best to). I simply plan on giving thanks for my family and friends, especially those who were there for me and have been for as long as I can remember. I am grateful, and will always be grateful for the support, love, encouragement, and strength that I was able to receive through these people. I would not have been able to go through any of this alone.
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