Like Daughter - 59

It has been a while since my last update. Lots has occurred.

Jason has six treatments of radiation left. We soon will enter the next phase of Jason's treatment. He will be meeting with his neuro-oncologist in the next two weeks. From there, he will take his chemotherapy one week on, three weeks off for six months, unless his doctor wants to do something else. He will then have his follow-up MRI at the end of October/early November to see how effective his treatment was/is. October will be the longest month of this year.

We saw the lawyer two weeks ago regarding our wills. We filled out the paperwork, and now we wait for each document to be drawn up, so we can sign them and make them official, legal documents. It was a surreal and sad experience, but necessary.

Jason is struggling with the grief that his diagnosis has caused him. He has a wonderful therapist who is helping him work through these feelings. He also has me -- I will continue to be his sounding board and confidante, as I should be.

As for me, I started my leave this past Monday. This week was my first week off from work. I took over with Jason's transportation to and from treatments and appointments, and I'm happy to be doing so. I couldn't be more thankful for my parents taking Jason to the appointments I could not attend to due to work. It has been nice to spend time with my husband and Luna (my dog) at home when not at the treatment center.

It is hard to explain how I am feeling these days. I am more focused on Jason and his needs, and getting through each day until his last day of radiation treatment. There are moments where I almost feel like everything is fine, and others where the harsh reality sets in as to what all this truly is and what it means. Part of me is bracing myself for the worst of it all, and part of me is holding onto the "Happily Ever After."

There isn't much else beyond that. My thoughts are consumed with this, and it can be hard to shift focus to other things. We still go out with friends and spend time with family, but the dark clouds remain.

Time is the worst concept. I wrote a poem about it soon after Jason's diagnosis. I've only shared it with Jason and one other person. I finally have the chutzpah to post it here.

Time

I loathe the word.
It continues.
It does not
s l o w  d o w n,
stop,
or
esrever.
It will not.
It cannot.

Why does it go so quickly
whenthingsareblissful,
and so slowly when things are u n b e a r a b l e?

It is unknown how much we have
and it can be

gone

in an instant.

It's a simple yet impossible request.
More.

That's all.

But, the answer is always the same:

No.

Time.
I loathe the word.

As always, darlings, I wish you all nothing but love, happiness, and -- most importantly -- good health.

Dorienne

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