Like Mother - 53

Cancer has struck  our family again…in a big way.  One week after the burial of my mother on February 23, 2016 for non-cancer related issues, my brother-in-law, Richard, was diagnosed with AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia).  Since March 6^th, he had been an inpatient at University of Maryland Hospital.  As our family typically does, we all came together to support my sister, Anna Marie.  We made daily trips to the hospital.  Most of the time we were full of hope, but eventually we felt more like wounded soldiers marching into a losing battle.  Richard suffered one unfortunate circumstance after another with both happy and sad outcomes.  The happy outcome is that the first round of chemo was successful in eradicating his leukemia cells.  The sad news is that all too often the same drugs that cure you can also, indirectly, kill you.  As a result of Richard’s extremely depleted blood cells and extremely compromised immune system from the chemo treatment, he developed an overwhelming and rare fungal infection…an infection that grew bigger than his recovering immune system and antifungal drugs could handle. 

Throughout it all, Richard NEVER complained.  Not once.  Not ever.  He said “Please” and “Thank You” to every nurse, doctor, visitor, and caregiver, right up until the end.  He never lost his sense of humor and strong spirit…ever.  Even though he developed mastoid ear, and Bell’s Palsy with facial paralysis, and a blood clot, and atrial fibrillation, and the inability to eat for at least six weeks with subsequent insertion of a feeding tube, and multiple transfusions and transfers from Oncology to ICU, CCU, and Intermediate Care (you get the point), he faced every obstacle with hope and dignity and kindness.  It was a privilege to be with him and try to help ease his struggles in some small way. 

In the beginning, before the infection took hold, Richard would always say “Tell me a story…I love stories.”  He recalled that as a child he could easily fall asleep to the sound of his mother’s voice on the phone gabbing with her sisters.  So we told him stories about anything and everything…the smallest happenings in our day.  And Richard delighted in them.  We continued to tell him stories even when the fungal infection wrapped itself around his brain and he closed his eyes and remained in a slumber-like state.  And we talked to each other in the background, and every now and then Richard would grunt, nod, or shake his head, so we knew he was listening. 

In Richard’s healthier life, he was in the roofing business.  Customer service was his specialty.  You weren’t just a customer, you were a friend, and he would do anything for a friend.  He made you laugh and once you met him you never forgot him. 

Richard loved to make the family smile with his corny jokes and silly songs.  We sang a round of “The Littlest Worm” in his last hours, led by his stepdaughter Melissa.  I know Richard enjoyed it. 

Richard referred to his wife, my sister Gracie, and me, as the Lee Sisters.  It is a nickname that we are proud to own (I won’t go into detail).  Anyway, the Lee Sisters as a threesome, or some combination thereof, followed Richard throughout his journey in the hospital.  Gracie and me were with Anna Marie when she met Richard for the first time (and there’s a story there too).  We loved him from the start.  The Lee Sisters are an amazing team.  Together we are stronger.  Gracie and Anna Marie, I love you. 

Richard wasn’t much for fashion.  He rather had a style of his own, mostly tennis shorts.  However, he made quite a statement on his own and didn’t need fashion to enhance his generous and uplifting personality.  He never said goodbye, rather “Toodle-Loo”. 

I know that Richard is in a better place mostly because he made the world a better place for so many others.  I picture him whacking a few tennis balls, enjoying all-you-can-eat buffets, eating lots of cake icing, telling corny jokes, smoking his pipe, going for long walks with all of the little doggies and giving them forbidden treats, singing silly songs, and waiting on everyone in Heaven. 

In closing, I have one more story for you Richard…

Once upon a time there once was a man named Richard Smith who lived an incredible life.  He touched many hearts, and did so much for so many.  He always thought of others first and always minded his manners.  He was loyal and trustworthy and kind.  He was surrounded by family and friends who loved him dearly and always will.  When faced with the toughest challenge of all, he did so with dignity and courage beyond measure.  He is truly our hero.  He was lucky to be loved by a beautiful woman named Anna Marie, who sat tirelessly by his side, fluffing his pillows, wiping his brow, and holding his hand, right up until the end.  

The world is a better place because of Richard Smith and he will be missed immensely.  In the words of his favorite song…”He was my pal.  He was my friend.  But now he’s gone.  And that’s the end”.  Toodle-Loo Richard Smith.  We love you.