Like Daughter - 58

Two and a half weeks of chemo and radiation down -- two and a half to go. [Insert cliche "Livin' on a Prayer" chorus line here.]

Jason is doing really well. No nausea or vomiting, not much pain except in his head every so often, but the doctor thinks it's due to the nerves reconnecting and reviving post-surgery. Overall, things are good with him.

I, however, have been struggling of late. I've had two meltdowns at work. Unexpected for sure, but I was able to get through the rest of the day. It's come to the point now where everything is hitting me, and the reality of it all has finally found its mark.

I've known the past two-ish months that I haven't really been taking care of myself. I was on a health journey, and it kind of went stagnant but stable earlier this year. It fell apart when all this happened. I ate whatever, didn't care the medicine wasn't working for me anymore, and didn't really bother with myself. Jason was my focus -- I would deal with myself later.

Later has arrived. I need to put a least a little bit of focus on me. Jason is still my priority, but some of my attention has to go toward taking better care of myself, health-wise. I've gained 28 pounds since I hit my lowest weight. Not only do I feel it in my clothes, but I feel it in my body as well. I don't like it one bit, and it needs to change.

Last night, I downloaded a new app to track my weight along with my calories, protein, fat, and carb intake. It's called Macros, and it's pretty easy to use. I only have used it for one day, but I like it thus far.

I have one week of work left before I take FMLA leave for three weeks. It will be hard to let go, but it's necessary. I've realized that I need this time for Jason, and for myself as well. Being at work the last two weeks, while a great distraction, has been more difficult than I thought. I don't want to do myself or my students a disservice by not being able to give them my all. They are important to me, and I want to make sure they have the best from me. This leave will hopefully help me get to that point. Once Jason's treatment is over on October 1, I think I'll finally be able to breathe. 

Once treatment is over, we have to wait about a month for Jason to get a new MRI to show us if anything has changed. Let's pray it shows good things.

As always, I wish you love, happiness, and -- most importantly -- good health.

Dorienne

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