Like Daughter - 18

Okay, I need to clear the air, here.

My last post was pretty scrambled, and I do apologize to our beloved family, friends, coworkers, and readers. I have been going through a lot of mixed emotions the last few days. Janina's diagnosis and upcoming surgery (t-5 days) are certainly affecting me, but I have been thinking a lot about other situations in my life that have nothing to do with thyroid cancer.

I started my 3-week gen.ed. minimester course on Tuesday. It was really difficult to walk into that classroom and spend four and a half hours listening to lecture and reading editorials based on argument. It still is hard, especially when all I can think about is Janina. Last night, I was struggling to write a paper due earlier today in class. I just had such difficulty starting it. As you all either know or have realized, I do not have trouble finding something to say. I just was so overcome with a whole slew of emotions that I could hardly concentrate on the task at hand. When I went downstairs to tell Mom and Dad that I was not going to go to class today, they right away said, "Get down here and we'll help you start that paper." So, I did, and I got it done. I must say, thanks to my dad, mom, and brother, I think I wrote a pretty kick-butt counterargument.

The last few days, I have had a hard time doing anything. Mom and I had lunch today at Panera, and she finally laid down the law with me after yesterday's post. She said, "Dori, you're living your life. Janina and I are so proud of you. Don't let this bother you more than it should. You're the one holding all of us together. You're our rock." Now, I'm not saying that I am everything she says I am. They may consider me to be their crutch when they need me, but I needed to break down yesterday. I needed to vent everything I had bottling up inside me. The last thing that needs to happen is for me to explode on anyone close to me like I did years ago. I'm doing my very best to never let that happen again.

So, long story short, I am not crazy, suicidal, etc. A lot of things were rushing through my head, and it was hard to tame them all at once. I apologize for worrying anyone or making myself or my family look bad.

Much love to all. Many blessings of love, happiness, and health. Until later on!

Comments

  1. AnonymousJanuary 7, 2010 at 3:24 PM

    It was great seeing you today and I'm glad we had the opportunity to chat! You're a champion of courage, never forget that! ;)

    -Chrissy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Angela Van TreurenJanuary 8, 2010 at 8:52 PM

    I just got all caught up on the blog. Your family is amazingly strong and you are all going to get through this!! You are in my prayers daily :)

    ReplyDelete

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