Like Daughter - 05

And now the cycle begins. My cousin got an ultrasound as soon as she found out about Janina, and now she has one nodule in her thyroid. My mother woke up early this morning to go with my aunt (her oldest sister) to her ultrasound appointment. I don't even want to think about what the possibilities are.

Mom said something interesting to me last night. She said, "Dori, you probably saved all of our lives." Say what? Everyone in my family is popping up with the same problem. I feel like a statue. A statue that stands in the middle of all this turmoil, and I can't move. I can't come alive and do anything to fix it. All I can do is talk. Talk talk talk talk talk. Tell them this, tell them that. I can only comfort. I can't take it away. I can't wave my magic wand and eliminate it. All I can do is hold their hand, answer all of their questions with honesty and no sugarcoating, and pray to God that this is easier for them.

T-minus 6 days until Mom's surgery and T-minus 5 days until Janina's biopsies. I'm going to be there every single second. I don't want to miss a moment. I'll never forget the fact that both Mom and Janina were there for me through my biopsy, diagnosis, surgeries, and treatments. They cooked and baked for me when I couldn't do it myself (and still can't. *wink*) because of exhaustion and low-thyroid hormone, and let me be mad when I needed to be mad. My cousin and aunt always checked up on me and wanted to know how I was doing all the time. They all stuck around and supported me when I needed it most.

Every single time someone finds something, though, I lose a little bit of my sanity. I just hope I don't run out before everyone gets through their own journey with this stupid, ridiculous, unforgiving disease.

Comments

  1. EugeniaDecember 24, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    I think your Mom makes an amazing point - you discovering that you had cancer may really save everybody in your family because you all know what to look for, and despite of all of the scary possibilities you aren't backing down. You've been going through this, and you've learned to stay strong! I've got my fingers crossed for your fam.

    - Genia

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