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All my life, I have struggled with my weight. I think it started when I was about 10. I was always overweight from that point on, and it was hard for me. It was the typical story - I saw other girls I wanted to look like, and tried so hard to look like them. I had a very different body type, and that was another setback. I have done countless programs - Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, my own diet plans - and yet I always ended up gaining it back if I strayed. They worked, don't get me wrong. It was just very hard to maintain.
From about late 2010 to mid-2011, I was following my own plan. I was monitoring my calories, eating well, exercising almost daily, and making sure I was constantly moving. My job at the time was not as demanding as the one I have now, but I worked hard despite feeling tired after a long day. I felt so much better about myself. I lost about 20-25 pounds in that time, and I met my husband when I was at my smallest. Since then so much has happened - a new career, moving in with Jason, lifestyle changes - and now I am at my biggest. I'm over 200 pounds, which was unheard of for me before now. I lost weight before the wedding, but afterward, it came back on and then some. Due to certain medicine, lack of time and activity, and lack of energy, my body has become what it is now. I've been noticing more and more how much strain my body is under. I am short, so there is a lot of weight to carry for my stature.
I always blamed this on the cancer. I blamed my thyroid and constantly fluctuating levels. I blamed the medicine I took for almost a year that made me so lethargic I didn't care what I ate, therefore making me gain so much weight. I blamed myself.
As my mom says, I have the tools. This is true. I've always had the knowledge. It has been accumulating for over a decade of dieting, weight loss plans, and personal experience.
Three days ago, I had an awakening. I have had this before, but this is different. I had started to accept my body this way, but I think about my health and how much my body hurts just from climbing a hill. I can't live like this. So, I made a decision:
I won't.
This is the turning point. Over the last three days, I have watched my calories using MyFitnessPal, and I am starting to go back to Jazzercise with my mom. I already have lost about three pounds. I'm feeling better already. It's really hard working out with my body this way, but I won't let it stop me.
Next time I blog, it will be about the blood work results. I promise.
Until then, friends, I wish you love, happiness and - most importantly - good health.
Dori
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