Too Much on Our Plait: August 2015

Like Daughter - 52

Today's post comes after a lot of thinking. I haven't gotten my blood work results back, but I have a completely different issue to talk about.

All my life, I have struggled with my weight. I think it started when I was about 10. I was always overweight from that point on, and it was hard for me. It was the typical story - I saw other girls I wanted to look like, and tried so hard to look like them. I had a very different body type, and that was another setback. I have done countless programs - Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, my own diet plans - and yet I always ended up gaining it back if I strayed. They worked, don't get me wrong. It was just very hard to maintain.

From about late 2010 to mid-2011, I was following my own plan. I was monitoring my calories, eating well, exercising almost daily, and making sure I was constantly moving. My job at the time was not as demanding as the one I have now, but I worked hard despite feeling tired after a long day. I felt so much better about myself. I lost about 20-25 pounds in that time, and I met my husband when I was at my smallest. Since then so much has happened - a new career, moving in with Jason, lifestyle changes - and now I am at my biggest. I'm over 200 pounds, which was unheard of for me before now. I lost weight before the wedding, but afterward, it came back on and then some. Due to certain medicine, lack of time and activity, and lack of energy, my body has become what it is now. I've been noticing more and more how much strain my body is under. I am short, so there is a lot of weight to carry for my stature.

I always blamed this on the cancer. I blamed my thyroid and constantly fluctuating levels. I blamed the medicine I took for almost a year that made me so lethargic I didn't care what I ate, therefore making me gain so much weight. I blamed myself.

As my mom says, I have the tools. This is true. I've always had the knowledge. It has been accumulating for over a decade of dieting, weight loss plans, and personal experience.

Three days ago, I had an awakening. I have had this before, but this is different. I had started to accept my body this way, but I think about my health and how much my body hurts just from climbing a hill. I can't live like this. So, I made a decision:

I won't.

This is the turning point. Over the last three days, I have watched my calories using MyFitnessPal, and I am starting to go back to Jazzercise with my mom. I already have lost about three pounds. I'm feeling better already. It's really hard working out with my body this way, but I won't let it stop me.

~~Hopefully,~~ by the time CancerCon 2016 comes around, a new, smaller, healthier me will have blossomed.

Next time I blog, it will be about the blood work results. I promise.

Until then, friends, I wish you love, happiness and - most importantly - good health.

Dori

Read More 0 comments | Posted by Adelina and Dori |

Like Daughter - 51

Good evening, my friends.

I figured it was about time I posted about my current situation with my cancer follow-ups. I have been seeing my endocrinologist every 6 months since my second surgery, which was November 2007. Up until about four years ago, my thyroid levels have shown little to no cancer evident. Four years ago, my numbers began to creep up. I went from below 0.5 to 1.9, to ~3, to 4.3, to 4.5. I just had blood work done yesterday, so I don't know my levels just yet. I'll update again with those along with the next steps that my endocrinologist wants to take.

My endocrinologist is amazing. Dr. H is straightforward and very proactive with my treatment. She has helped me become more independent and to take control of my treatment. She welcomes questions and answers them. I really appreciate her and all she has done for me throughout my cancer journey.

She told me she's ambivalent about biopsying and "cherry-picking," as she calls it. What she calls "cherry-picking" is going through my neck to biopsy and (eventually) surgically remove any lymph nodes that show any level of cancer, no matter how small. My numbers are not high enough just yet. The "magic number" is a thyroglobulin of 10. Dr. H told me she feels comfortable "sitting" on me and waiting. This has been her decision the last three years, so I'm not completely shocked. This time around, though, she is unsure if she wants to do a stimulated thyroglobulin test. A stimulated thyroglobulin means that the patient receives shots of thyrogen (right above the butt - Yay!) and at the end of the week, gets more blood work done to compare to the initial unstimulated thyroglobulin. If the numbers are higher, it means there is thyroid cancer still in the body. This test is much more sensitive in finding any leftover or recurrent cancer cells. When my numbers come back from this test and if they are higher than before, then she will do a stimulated thyroglobulin test.

I jokingly call it "cancer limbo." It kind of is, really. You're just sitting around waiting for something to happen. If it doesn't happen, you're happy (of course). The problem is the foreboding feeling. It's always there, in the back of your mind.

"Will today be it?"
"Where is it, and where is it going?"
"Why can't they just find it and get it out?"
"What's taking this so long?"
I just want it over.

These are just a few questions and thoughts that run through my head. I know other cancer patients and survivors can relate. The feeling that this appointment, this scan, this ultrasound, this blood test -- could be what shakes our current "normalcy" and turns it upside down once more. This has been my thought process since my last (second) surgery in 2007. I had 22 lymph nodes removed from the left side of my neck, two of which were malignant metastatic papillary thyroid cancer.

I've always told people that I'm just waiting for the ball to drop. The response I get more often than not is, "Don't jinx it! You're asking for it to happen."

Am I, though? Am I being dark and depressing, or am I being realistic? What's wrong with waiting for something to happen? Of course I'll be happy if my numbers never increase to the "magic number." The last time I felt like this was over was when my endocrinologist gave me the thumbs up after my nuclear scan post-radioactive iodine treatment. She said I was cancer-free and in the clear. All that needed to happen was get low numbers in my blood work. Guess what? They were not low enough.

Call me crazy, but I do not feel it is wrong to be ready for either event. If the ball drops, fine. I'll get through it just like the last two times. If it doesn't, fine. I will continue to live my life as best I can, just as I have in the 9 years since my diagnosis.

Feel free to leave comments with your opinions. Do you agree? Disagree? Do you experience the same roller coaster ride? Let me know!

As always, friends, I wish you love, happiness and -- most importantly -- good health.

Dori

Read More 4 comments | Posted by Adelina and Dori |

Like Daughter, Like Mother: Our Thyroid Cancer Journey

Behind the Blog

Adelina is a full-time wife, mother, practice manager, and medical transcriptionist. After receiving an ultrasound and countless biopsies, she was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer on December 11, 2009. She successfully underwent surgery on December 29, 2009, and had her first radioactive iodine treatment in February 2010. Following treatment, Adelina now sees her doctor once a year for follow-up. She has been doing well, and refuses to let cancer slow her down.

Dori is 26 years old. She was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer at the age of 17 on June 1, 2006, just three days prior to her high school graduation. Dori endured two radioactive iodine treatments and two surgeries to remove her complete thyroid and 39 total lymph nodes from her neck. She is now under close watch by her doctors, and only time will tell if the cancer stays at bay.